Bigotry and Pasties

The other day I received some detailed feedback to my blog which I have in turn shared below:

‘Right mate, while I can appreciate you put alot of effort into this I don’t see any mention of the northern classic, the meat and potato pasty.

I’m not talking about any fancy rubbish that makes you slobber like pavlov’s dogs or whathaveyou, son, I’m talking about greenhalgh’s own. Follow it down with a pint of bitter or few and bob’s your uncle.

Perhaps your palette isn’t suited to England’s true culinary delights, perhaps italian and french quisine is more your cup of tea but the thing is mate, the time to learn is now. As an aspiring food critic you are no doubt constantly looking for ways to improve your ability to evaluate what the culinary world has to offer, well let me tell you now boyo, the greenhalgh’s meat and potato is the bee’s bloody knees. It’ll take your tongue to places unimaginable and line your stomach good and proper while it’s at it.

Now you might be thinking, eh, greenhalgh’s, why don’t I just skimp and go for Gregs, it’s the same, right? Well, you’d be bloody well wrong. Greg’s pasties are an affront to pastry and supporting that defiler of the north’s greatest treat is a travesty against food that even Houdini couldn’t escape. My mate Chris saw a spider crawl across the pasties on display in the front of Gregs and let me tell you mate, I’ve not let their produce touch my lips since.

Let the taste of meat and taters take you to paradise.

Also, now I’m fine with people being up for “playing for either side” in bed mate but if you’re going to drop such blatant hints as ” Plus plus, I’m a massive sucker for anything that includes black beans on the side. A truly spectacular affair and I’m salivating right now more than the collective of Pavlov’s dogs just thinking about it. “, you may as well just come out and state your new orientation bud. We’re all behind you bud, don’t you worry, you’ll be no less of a man.’

Given the length of the comment, my immediate reaction was that this must be one of my friends. However, upon further investigation, it turns out that this chap (who goes by the username ‘Ghostymudy’) is a completely random reader and obvious pasty enthusiast. I am flattered he has taken time out of his busy schedule to share his thoughts and, amid the occasional grammatical slip and thinly veiled homophobia, he does make a point. I have neglected the pasty.

Shame on me as I talked of scotch eggs, sausage rolls and pork pies without even tipping my cap to this cornerstone of Great British snackery. So I thought I had better rectify that fact with the below attempt, although I fear I haven’t done Greenhalghs proud…

Cornish Pasties

Battle lines are drawn

Battle lines are drawn

I didn’t exactly use the same recipe as on the link here but I think I probably would have been better off if I had done. It seems to pay much more attention to the creation of the pastry which was my ultimate undoing. The proceedings started positively enough though as I sliced and diced my way through onion, potato, rosemary, thyme, skirt steak, carrot and butternut squash. All into 1cm pieces. Chuck in a bit of nutmeg and plenty of seasoning/olive oil and we’re looking rosy:

Breakfast of champions

Breakfast of champions

With the filling quite frankly nailed down to a tee, I swaggered over to the mixing bowl to begin the pastry. Plain flour, butter, water. Seemed simple enough especially after all the bread making. Naive fool I was and quickly found myself with a sticky ball of unusable gloop. Having run out of flour though, there was no turning back. The depressing montage below speaks for itself:

Six packages of pure disapointment

Six packages of pure disapointment

2013-06-23 14.19.48 2013-06-23 18.55.47I ate half of one of these an hour before having to play football. The undercooked innards plagued me well into the final third of the game.

Well Ghostymudy, we can but try…

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10 thoughts on “Bigotry and Pasties

  1. A beautiful disaster. Your heart was in it but sadly adequate amounts of flour were not. With enough practice, you too can one day be a Pasty Wizard.

    Also, the “thinly veiled homophobia” was absolutely insincere, your younger brother told me about your blog so I thought I’d have a read and post something to amuse us.. considering the audience was a group of eighteen year olds (your brother is younger, I know) and their more than amused reaction, I think I did rather well, though it evidently didn’t appeal to such a well written gentleman of perfect grammatical ability such as yourself.

    Anyhow, the homophobic jokes were just me “playing the part” of the stereotypical northerner which I appear to have done quite well.. bigoted and ignorant, a stereotype I don’t at all truly adhere to myself. I do like how scathing you were about that though, considering no actual dislike for the homosexual was written. I’d say it’s more like the writing of a well meaning, albeit ignorant, friend urging you to be true to your feelings.

    Original poster’s accusations of bigotry based on a blatant joke post, blame jack, thicken skin, not a homophobe, good try at making pasty, goodbye!

    • I reckon the ignorant stereotype covers the grammar too.. though I’m going to assume you’re not pretentious enough to genuinely criticize someone over that.

  2. James just cooked me dinner having been inspired by your blog so I felt I had to comment….. last comment was wrong link so this one’s the right one!

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